Forgiveness, like every true change of heart, became a reality only after I was prepared to receive it. Failure to forgive took on torturous proportion before I could see that “holding on” to betrayal was the bitter root contaminating my environment.

It would be awful if someone took a knife and stabbed me. The greater crime would be if I re-enacted the offence by picking up a knife and stabbing myself just to illustrate my attacker’s abuse. Every time I repeat the story the wounds reappear. In essence, I pick up a knife and stab myself just so others have a clear picture of how horrible the attack was.

Forgiveness makes me feel better, regardless of the other person. Forgiveness, like love and respect, is unconditional. I forgive because it is who I am; it has nothing to do with merit. I let go of the past simply because I feel better when I do – determining that forgiveness, like love, is a part of who I am.

It helps me to take a position of unconditional trust in God. I trust Him in me and in you; my position is anchored to my view of union. Trust gets easier when I see that He is the “all in all.” If the words or actions of another cause me pain then my heightened sense of trust will find the good. A painful occurrence becomes the vital catalyst that spurs me toward necessary steps. These steps are hindered only when I judge the action (judgment severs trust) and lose sight of God’s bigger message. When He speaks through hurtful situations He may be asking me to repent, or to get over myself; He may be asking me to love hilariously or to set a much needed boundary; or He may even be asking me to courageously walk away from an abusive relationship. In any event, I can trust without condition that what is occurring is exactly what is needed to purify this vessel.

Trusting Christ remains a big key for me when it comes to forgiveness. It’s hard to be offended when I know that God has my best interest at heart. Trusting His goodness and sovereignty removes the rock of offense from my line of vision. As trust takes over my heart, my soul is cushioned with safety and rest. Trusting Him means trusting me and trusting me means trusting you and trusting you means trusting Him. All is well for God is good!

In the big scheme of things defensiveness is also a major waste of time. Someone else’s opinion of me is none of my business. Silencing my own mind is my objective. Voicing complaints (even in my own head) against objectionable behaviors and attitudes is counter-productive. It’s equally useless to try to determine if my perception of your action is accurate. I do not believe that you or I intend evil – but even if we did, God does not. Therefore I’m free to trust the heart, motive, and intent of each person (including me) because I trust God.

Honestly speaking, I am often my own offender. I react angrily toward another when in actuality I’m frustrated because I wasn’t honest, direct, or true to myself in some way. I wasn’t on my own side! When I “fail” myself in this way it’s seems easier to shift the blame, point the finger, and get mad at you. I fault you, but truthfully I’m angry that I betrayed myself by dismissing my own inner knowing. I deny me…and that hurts. Self inflicted pain becomes my true antagonist.

I know this comment is long but hopefully others will break it down “little by little” and find the parts that minister to them!

Susan

Laramie, since you say you “intended” to receive Christ, then according to Romans 10:10 you’re saved, because God knows your heart. I believe you’re saved—not because of anything you did or didn’t do “right” but because of what He did for you. That being said, from reading your post I believe your confusion is due to the hurt you’re holding onto and the un-forgiveness you feel in your heart. Forgiveness is the ultimate gift to all of us for whom Christ died—but it’s so very difficult to receive—and to give when we’re hurting. Forgiveness is also the condition upon which we experience God’s unconditional acceptance and love. Could we not say that not feeling saved is the same as not feeling accepted? So we ask, “Did it take?” It may not feel so.

Laramie, who among us has never felt betrayed, and who among us hasn’t betrayed or deeply hurt someone else? Perhaps the log in our eye (the pride and the hurt) keeps us from seeing ourselves. I, with you, have felt terribly betrayed—hurt to the core, and didn’t want to forgive. I knew I should, but the longer I held on the harder it was to let go of the resentment. It felt like my resentment was so strong, it would punish my offenders. So I put my back up against them; I wouldn’t let them see my face so-to- speak. I wouldn’t let them in to ever hurt me again. I wouldn’t forgive. The problem with such bitterness is that it turns on us and destroys us. We are the ones hurt most by un-forgiveness. Look at this verse:

Then he took a deep breath and breathed into them. “Receive the Holy Spirit,” he said. “If you forgive someone’s sins, they’re gone for good. If you don’t forgive sins, what are you going to do with them?” John 20:22-23 (MSG)

Forgiveness isn’t about being right Laramie. Who was right and who was wrong has nothing to do with forgiveness. This doesn’t mean you and I weren’t wronged; it means letting go of the offence and the offender—placing them in Christ and letting Him deal with the matter while we move forward without bitterness in our heart!
Pride keeps us from being truly free from the hurt that others have done or can do in the future. Pride won’t let us forgive. Pride is the attitude that will never say “What Christ did was enough.” Pride’s attitude is: “I will deal with this myself.”

Laramie, I believe pride’s ignorance is our enemy—all the time—no matter what, and we are actually ignorant about forgiveness until we surrender to it. The ignorance of pride doesn’t mean we don’t’ know or haven’t heard about it. It means “I know and I’m not going to do anything about it.” (We could actually say this is stupid couldn’t we? Well, I’m here to admit I used to be Chief of the Stupid Club.) Look at this verse:

“In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can’t get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God’s part. Matt 6:14-15 (MSG)

I like something one of our online students wrote. It was this, in effect: “How can we ask God for wisdom and yet not be willing to acquire knowledge?” What a profound statement. We need wisdom, but we also need to acquire knowledge because wisdom without knowledge is stupid. Wisdom is the correct use of knowledge. So what is forgiveness? And where is the wisdom to apply it?

Nehemiah asked God for wisdom and guidance while he kept building the wall. We need to acquire knowledge about forgiveness while we keep practicing forgiveness on others, even when we’re still hurting from their offenses. And we need to ask God to make forgiveness real to us as we use the wisdom always given for the asking, and apply it to our knowledge of forgiveness.

So back to our question; what is forgiveness? What does it look like? It looks like a Man hanging on a cross while His betrayers mock Him. It looks like a heart saying, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” It looks like unconditional love reaching towards unworthy-unlovely human souls so caught up with themselves that they stumble in darkness like sheep without a Shepherd.

The Gospel is good news for those who are saved and wise enough to apply it. I finally applied it even though I’m embarrassed to say it took me so long. First though, I had to forgive myself for presiding over the Stupid Club for so many years, but I did it. And I’m free Laramie. I’m free of every offense ever done to me. I’m not afraid of getting hurt anymore; I have His shield of faith around me and I’m confident enough to just be myself around others. God is for me; what can man do to me? This is the freedom I pray you will enter my friend, because you’re worth every drop of blood that Christ shed to set you free.

I invite other readers to post to this blog, because this is such an important subject for all of us. And please pray for Laramie, and also for me.

Thank you,
Jaque

I just wrote a long reply to you and lost it. I, of all people should know better than to type it in here instead of in word first. Please forgive me. I’ve spent too much time today and have no more left so, I’ll be back!

Love,
Jaque

First off Jaque, In answer to your question:
Do you believe that Jesus Christ is Lord and that He died for you along with everyone else? I’d have to yes, I believe that Jesus Christ is Lord and that He died for me along with everyone else.

Ok so this scripture is one of the basic salvations scriptures…

Right now, living my life as I am today…my life feels more real and truthful and honest than it ever did when I was trying to serve Him. The people in my life both christian and heathen are real and grounded and honest and trustworthy which is more than I can say for some of the ‘friends’ i had 10+ years ago. You find out who your friends are when the shit hits the fan and you’re the only one standing there and nobody even hands you a towel. My friends today have stood with me and have been loyal no matter what and no matter who was at fault. Anyway, I know you’re going to say that there’s too much “I” in there again so I’ll continue on with my thoughts…

I guess what I’m trying to say is that if the enemy comes to steal kill and destroy and that’s what I experienced when I was trying to serve Christ and now that I’m not really serving Him and just living life I feel that life is more enjoyable and abundant and fulfilling than it was back then. So I guess I must be really decieved because according to scripture it’s supposed to be the other way around.

Again…confusion abounds!

(I’ll answer the question about motivation later).

Yes, I intended to receive Christ and yes, I asked Him into my heart. Not sure that my motivation was pure though…does that make a difference?

I think I still have a Bible somewhere around here…I’ll look up John 10:10 and get back to you.
Thanks for you time.
Laramie

O Jacob, how can you say the LORD does not see your troubles?
O Israel, how can you say God ignores your rights?
Have you never heard?
Have you never understood?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of all the earth.
He never grows weak or weary.
No one can measure the depths of his understanding.
He gives power to the weak
and strength to the powerless.
Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.
Is 40: 27-31 NLT

The lie can only gain momentum by believing “it didn’t take.” Receiving Christ and forgiving isn’t something we feel; it’s what we believe. It was never about trusting yourself; it’s about trusting HIM. Confusion comes from having too much “I” in the equation. “I thought I was doing it right the first time…I don’t know what went wrong…so how could I possibly ever do it again and do it right…” Did Christ die for Laramie? Yes! Only your enemy says, “it didn’t take.” Faith means making a deliberate choice about your intention. Did you “intend” to receive Christ? Did you ask Him into your heart? If you can answer these two questions in the affirmative then you need to quit listening to the Liar. Would you look up John 10:10 and comment on that?

You’re welcome friend!